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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Harry," Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, "what you know about women, I could juggle.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
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I think a man's "wordplay" can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!
- Junnita Jackson
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Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it…
- Terry Pratchett
The Light Fantastic
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My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.
- Wendy Higgins
Sweet Peril
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I am ever a gentle maiden," she shouted. "Damn if I'm not.
- Julie Garwood
Honor's Splendour
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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This did not seem to reassure Nico.

“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.

An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant.
- Rick Riordan
The Hidden Oracle
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There's a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire--
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He's nibbling the noodles,
And munching the rice,
He's slurping the soda,
He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he's in there--
That Polary Bear
In our Fridgitydaire.
- Shel Silverstein
A Light in the Attic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.
- Graham Parke
Unspent Time
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Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
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That's ridiculous." Especially the part about Christian being manly.
- Richelle Mead
Spirit Bound
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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!
- Terry Pratchett
Monstrous Regiment
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You totally just outed us to the criminals.

-Ty to Zane
- Abigail Roux
Armed & Dangerous
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I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.
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I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?
- Eoin Colfer
The Arctic Incident
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Now stand in the corner, and think about what you've done!
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You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life is tough, then you die.
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That's it, cupcake. You're going down.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
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Bad kitty!" he screeched, snarling and baring his fangs at Grimalkin, who yawned and turned away to groom his tail. "Evil, evil, sneaky kitty! Bite your head off in your sleep, I will! Hang you by your toes and set you on fire! Burn, Burn!"
-Razor
- Julie Kagawa
The Iron Queen
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I think we're too young to be dating. I mean I don't see what the rush is." Summer says.
"Yeah, I agree," said August. "Which is kind of a shame, you know what with all those babes who keep throwing themselves at me and stuff?
- R.J. Palacio
Wonder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Unusual financial activity: none, unless you count the fact that someone in the family is way too into Civil War biographies. (Can this be a possible indication of Confederate insurgents still living and working in Virginia? Must research further.)
- Ally Carter
I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Harry," Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, "what you know about women, I could juggle.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I think a man's "wordplay" can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!
- Junnita Jackson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it…
- Terry Pratchett
The Light Fantastic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.
- Wendy Higgins
Sweet Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am ever a gentle maiden," she shouted. "Damn if I'm not.
- Julie Garwood
Honor's Splendour
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This did not seem to reassure Nico.

“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.

An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant.
- Rick Riordan
The Hidden Oracle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire--
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He's nibbling the noodles,
And munching the rice,
He's slurping the soda,
He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he's in there--
That Polary Bear
In our Fridgitydaire.
- Shel Silverstein
A Light in the Attic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.
- Graham Parke
Unspent Time
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That's ridiculous." Especially the part about Christian being manly.
- Richelle Mead
Spirit Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!
- Terry Pratchett
Monstrous Regiment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You totally just outed us to the criminals.

-Ty to Zane
- Abigail Roux
Armed & Dangerous
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?
- Eoin Colfer
The Arctic Incident
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now stand in the corner, and think about what you've done!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life is tough, then you die.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That's it, cupcake. You're going down.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bad kitty!" he screeched, snarling and baring his fangs at Grimalkin, who yawned and turned away to groom his tail. "Evil, evil, sneaky kitty! Bite your head off in your sleep, I will! Hang you by your toes and set you on fire! Burn, Burn!"
-Razor
- Julie Kagawa
The Iron Queen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I think we're too young to be dating. I mean I don't see what the rush is." Summer says.
"Yeah, I agree," said August. "Which is kind of a shame, you know what with all those babes who keep throwing themselves at me and stuff?
- R.J. Palacio
Wonder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Unusual financial activity: none, unless you count the fact that someone in the family is way too into Civil War biographies. (Can this be a possible indication of Confederate insurgents still living and working in Virginia? Must research further.)
- Ally Carter
I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Harry," Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, "what you know about women, I could juggle.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I think a man's "wordplay" can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!
- Junnita Jackson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it…
- Terry Pratchett
The Light Fantastic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.
- Wendy Higgins
Sweet Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am ever a gentle maiden," she shouted. "Damn if I'm not.
- Julie Garwood
Honor's Splendour
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This did not seem to reassure Nico.

“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.

An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant.
- Rick Riordan
The Hidden Oracle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire--
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He's nibbling the noodles,
And munching the rice,
He's slurping the soda,
He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he's in there--
That Polary Bear
In our Fridgitydaire.
- Shel Silverstein
A Light in the Attic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.
- Graham Parke
Unspent Time
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That's ridiculous." Especially the part about Christian being manly.
- Richelle Mead
Spirit Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!
- Terry Pratchett
Monstrous Regiment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You totally just outed us to the criminals.

-Ty to Zane
- Abigail Roux
Armed & Dangerous
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?
- Eoin Colfer
The Arctic Incident
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now stand in the corner, and think about what you've done!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life is tough, then you die.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That's it, cupcake. You're going down.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bad kitty!" he screeched, snarling and baring his fangs at Grimalkin, who yawned and turned away to groom his tail. "Evil, evil, sneaky kitty! Bite your head off in your sleep, I will! Hang you by your toes and set you on fire! Burn, Burn!"
-Razor
- Julie Kagawa
The Iron Queen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I think we're too young to be dating. I mean I don't see what the rush is." Summer says.
"Yeah, I agree," said August. "Which is kind of a shame, you know what with all those babes who keep throwing themselves at me and stuff?
- R.J. Palacio
Wonder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Unusual financial activity: none, unless you count the fact that someone in the family is way too into Civil War biographies. (Can this be a possible indication of Confederate insurgents still living and working in Virginia? Must research further.)
- Ally Carter
I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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123
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125
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