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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.
- Mikhail Bulgakov
The Master and Margarita
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I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
- Douglas Adams
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take off your shirt."
Jace raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning."
"Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, sir.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Code of the Woosters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks... then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get.

It's really not even fair to everyone else.
- Richelle Mead
The Fiery Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
"Or we'll die?" I guessed.
"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."
"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.
- Richelle Mead
Last Sacrifice
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We are not going to die."

Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?"

"No. And do you know why?" He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die." I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.
- Jim Butcher
Dead Beat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death."

"Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me.
"I was testing dorm security," I said. "It sucks.
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, that's an evil smile...
- James Patterson
The Angel Experiment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.
- Jeaniene Frost
Destined for an Early Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked.
- Gilles Deleuze
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I swear, my dear. Sometimes our conversations remind me of a broken sword."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Sharp as hell," Lightsong said, "but lacking a point.
- Brandon Sanderson
Warbreaker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?
- David Foster Wallace
This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.
- Thomas Bernhard
Correction
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25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?'
26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.'
27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
- Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred.
- Uchiha Madara
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't like it when I outweigh my men.
- Patricia Briggs
Moon Called
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
- Greg Behrendt
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.
- Mikhail Bulgakov
The Master and Margarita
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
- Douglas Adams
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take off your shirt."
Jace raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning."
"Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, sir.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Code of the Woosters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks... then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get.

It's really not even fair to everyone else.
- Richelle Mead
The Fiery Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
"Or we'll die?" I guessed.
"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."
"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.
- Richelle Mead
Last Sacrifice
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We are not going to die."

Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?"

"No. And do you know why?" He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die." I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.
- Jim Butcher
Dead Beat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death."

"Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me.
"I was testing dorm security," I said. "It sucks.
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, that's an evil smile...
- James Patterson
The Angel Experiment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.
- Jeaniene Frost
Destined for an Early Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked.
- Gilles Deleuze
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I swear, my dear. Sometimes our conversations remind me of a broken sword."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Sharp as hell," Lightsong said, "but lacking a point.
- Brandon Sanderson
Warbreaker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?
- David Foster Wallace
This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.
- Thomas Bernhard
Correction
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?'
26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.'
27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
- Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred.
- Uchiha Madara
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't like it when I outweigh my men.
- Patricia Briggs
Moon Called
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
- Greg Behrendt
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.
- Mikhail Bulgakov
The Master and Margarita
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
- Douglas Adams
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take off your shirt."
Jace raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning."
"Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, sir.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Code of the Woosters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks... then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get.

It's really not even fair to everyone else.
- Richelle Mead
The Fiery Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
"Or we'll die?" I guessed.
"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."
"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.
- Richelle Mead
Last Sacrifice
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We are not going to die."

Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?"

"No. And do you know why?" He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die." I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.
- Jim Butcher
Dead Beat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death."

"Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me.
"I was testing dorm security," I said. "It sucks.
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, that's an evil smile...
- James Patterson
The Angel Experiment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.
- Jeaniene Frost
Destined for an Early Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked.
- Gilles Deleuze
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I swear, my dear. Sometimes our conversations remind me of a broken sword."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Sharp as hell," Lightsong said, "but lacking a point.
- Brandon Sanderson
Warbreaker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?
- David Foster Wallace
This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.
- Thomas Bernhard
Correction
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?'
26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.'
27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
- Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred.
- Uchiha Madara
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't like it when I outweigh my men.
- Patricia Briggs
Moon Called
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
- Greg Behrendt
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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