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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.
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Life sucks, and then you die...
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
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What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course
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I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.
- Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire
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In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
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Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch
- Janet Evanovich
Seven Up
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My name is Percy Jackson.
I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
Yeah. You could say that.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
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Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it.
"Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
- Mark Twain
Tom Sawyer Abroad
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Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
- Jane Austen
Mansfield Park
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When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Herman Wouk
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I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
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As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
- Bill Watterson
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
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Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
- Dr. Seuss
The Cat in the Hat
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He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…
“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”
Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”
Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.
Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.
“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
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I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
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I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."
Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed.
"Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edward said wryly.
Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent.
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You look lousy,' he said.
Jace blinked. 'Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.'
'No I mean it. You don't look good.'
'This is from a guy ho has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's no reason to-'
'I am not trying to insult you.' Simon snapped.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Fallen Angels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wait," I said as Noah slipped a book from a shelf and headed toward the door. "Where are you going?"
"To read?"
But I don't want you to.
"But I need to go home," I said, my eyes meeting his. "My parents are going to kill me."
"Taken care of. You're at Sophie's house."
I loved Sophie.
"So I'm...staying here?"
"Daniel's covering for you."
I loved Daniel.
"Where's Katie?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Eliza's house."
I loved Eliza.
"And your parents?" I asked.
"Some charity thing."
I loved charity.
"So why are you going to read when I'm right here?
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
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He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt
- Darynda Jones
First Grave on the Right
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life sucks, and then you die...
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.
- Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch
- Janet Evanovich
Seven Up
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My name is Percy Jackson.
I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
Yeah. You could say that.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it.
"Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
- Mark Twain
Tom Sawyer Abroad
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
- Jane Austen
Mansfield Park
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Herman Wouk
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
- Bill Watterson
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
- Dr. Seuss
The Cat in the Hat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…
“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”
Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”
Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.
Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.
“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."
Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed.
"Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edward said wryly.
Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent.
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You look lousy,' he said.
Jace blinked. 'Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.'
'No I mean it. You don't look good.'
'This is from a guy ho has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's no reason to-'
'I am not trying to insult you.' Simon snapped.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Fallen Angels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wait," I said as Noah slipped a book from a shelf and headed toward the door. "Where are you going?"
"To read?"
But I don't want you to.
"But I need to go home," I said, my eyes meeting his. "My parents are going to kill me."
"Taken care of. You're at Sophie's house."
I loved Sophie.
"So I'm...staying here?"
"Daniel's covering for you."
I loved Daniel.
"Where's Katie?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Eliza's house."
I loved Eliza.
"And your parents?" I asked.
"Some charity thing."
I loved charity.
"So why are you going to read when I'm right here?
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt
- Darynda Jones
First Grave on the Right
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life sucks, and then you die...
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.
- Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch
- Janet Evanovich
Seven Up
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My name is Percy Jackson.
I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
Yeah. You could say that.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it.
"Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
- Mark Twain
Tom Sawyer Abroad
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
- Jane Austen
Mansfield Park
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Herman Wouk
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
- Bill Watterson
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
- Dr. Seuss
The Cat in the Hat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…
“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”
Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”
Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.
Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.
“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."
Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed.
"Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edward said wryly.
Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent.
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You look lousy,' he said.
Jace blinked. 'Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.'
'No I mean it. You don't look good.'
'This is from a guy ho has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's no reason to-'
'I am not trying to insult you.' Simon snapped.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Fallen Angels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wait," I said as Noah slipped a book from a shelf and headed toward the door. "Where are you going?"
"To read?"
But I don't want you to.
"But I need to go home," I said, my eyes meeting his. "My parents are going to kill me."
"Taken care of. You're at Sophie's house."
I loved Sophie.
"So I'm...staying here?"
"Daniel's covering for you."
I loved Daniel.
"Where's Katie?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Eliza's house."
I loved Eliza.
"And your parents?" I asked.
"Some charity thing."
I loved charity.
"So why are you going to read when I'm right here?
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt
- Darynda Jones
First Grave on the Right
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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