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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
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Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.

Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass.
- Anna Banks
Of Poseidon
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I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across!
- Diana Wynne Jones
Castle in the Air
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Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.
- Jeaniene Frost
Halfway to the Grave
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"Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style."
"That is a footstool."
- Jonathan Stroud
The Golem's Eye
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
- Harry S. Truman
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When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
- P.B. Kerr
The Blue Djinn of Babylon
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He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.
- Louise Rennison
Dancing in My Nuddy-Pants
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Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.
- Terry Pratchett
Going Postal
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Hallucinations are bad enough. But after awhile you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth. Most acid fanciers can handle this sort of thing. But nobody can handle that other trip-the possibility that any freak with $1.98 can walk into the Circus-Circus and suddenly appear in the sky over downtown Las Vegas twelve times the size of God, howling anything that comes into his head. No, this is not a good town for psychedelic drugs.
- Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
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He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.
'How do I look?'
'Like the ugliest shanky girl I’ve ever seen,' Minho responded. 'You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.'
'Thanks.
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
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You wanna go build some shelves with me?
- Alexandra Bracken
In the Afterlight
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If you love something, let it go.
If you don't love something, definitely let it go.
Basically, just drop everything, who cares.
- B.J. Novak
One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You don't have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day.
- Viggo Mortensen
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Intelligent men are dangerous.
- Patricia Briggs
Dragon Bones
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You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?
- Ally Carter
Only the Good Spy Young
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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If she can't spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell.
- Ramona Quimby as written by Beverly Cleary
Ramona's World
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
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I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men in a Boat
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Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
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Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
- Jules Renard
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.

Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass.
- Anna Banks
Of Poseidon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across!
- Diana Wynne Jones
Castle in the Air
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.
- Jeaniene Frost
Halfway to the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style."
"That is a footstool."
- Jonathan Stroud
The Golem's Eye
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
- Harry S. Truman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
- P.B. Kerr
The Blue Djinn of Babylon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.
- Louise Rennison
Dancing in My Nuddy-Pants
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.
- Terry Pratchett
Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hallucinations are bad enough. But after awhile you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth. Most acid fanciers can handle this sort of thing. But nobody can handle that other trip-the possibility that any freak with $1.98 can walk into the Circus-Circus and suddenly appear in the sky over downtown Las Vegas twelve times the size of God, howling anything that comes into his head. No, this is not a good town for psychedelic drugs.
- Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.
'How do I look?'
'Like the ugliest shanky girl I’ve ever seen,' Minho responded. 'You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.'
'Thanks.
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You wanna go build some shelves with me?
- Alexandra Bracken
In the Afterlight
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you love something, let it go.
If you don't love something, definitely let it go.
Basically, just drop everything, who cares.
- B.J. Novak
One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You don't have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day.
- Viggo Mortensen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Intelligent men are dangerous.
- Patricia Briggs
Dragon Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?
- Ally Carter
Only the Good Spy Young
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If she can't spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell.
- Ramona Quimby as written by Beverly Cleary
Ramona's World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men in a Boat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
- Jules Renard
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.

Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass.
- Anna Banks
Of Poseidon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across!
- Diana Wynne Jones
Castle in the Air
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.
- Jeaniene Frost
Halfway to the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style."
"That is a footstool."
- Jonathan Stroud
The Golem's Eye
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
- Harry S. Truman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
- P.B. Kerr
The Blue Djinn of Babylon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.
- Louise Rennison
Dancing in My Nuddy-Pants
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.
- Terry Pratchett
Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hallucinations are bad enough. But after awhile you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth. Most acid fanciers can handle this sort of thing. But nobody can handle that other trip-the possibility that any freak with $1.98 can walk into the Circus-Circus and suddenly appear in the sky over downtown Las Vegas twelve times the size of God, howling anything that comes into his head. No, this is not a good town for psychedelic drugs.
- Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.
'How do I look?'
'Like the ugliest shanky girl I’ve ever seen,' Minho responded. 'You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.'
'Thanks.
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You wanna go build some shelves with me?
- Alexandra Bracken
In the Afterlight
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you love something, let it go.
If you don't love something, definitely let it go.
Basically, just drop everything, who cares.
- B.J. Novak
One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You don't have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day.
- Viggo Mortensen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Intelligent men are dangerous.
- Patricia Briggs
Dragon Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?
- Ally Carter
Only the Good Spy Young
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If she can't spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell.
- Ramona Quimby as written by Beverly Cleary
Ramona's World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men in a Boat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
- Jules Renard
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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7
8
9
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