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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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This book will prove the following ten facts:
1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.
3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
5. Music does not always sooth the troubled beast.
6. An Englishman's home is his castle.
7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
8. One black eye deserves another.
9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
10. It pays to increase your word power.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Archer's Goon
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He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.”

“Fist-bump. It’s just ‘fist-bump.’”

“Understand."
- Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health.
- Daniel Quinn
Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need."
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Your hair is still wet!
- Justin Bieber
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not stubborn. My way is just better.
- Maya Banks
Rush
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.
- Jim Butcher
Skin Game
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross..." He consulted Unfogging the Future. "That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' — sorry about that — but there's a thing that could be the sun... hang on... that means 'great happiness'... so you're going to suffer but be very happy..."

"You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me," said Ron, and they both had to stifle their laughs as Professor Trelawney gazed in their direction.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone who takes on my sister," he had postured once, all puffed-out bravado, "will have to deal with ...my sister." And then he'd dived behind her and cowered.
- Laini Taylor
Dreams of Gods & Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
— Riley Poole
- Ann Lloyd
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."

Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously.
- Carrie Fisher
Postcards from the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She'd met Colin on a Monday.
She'd kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.
- Julia Quinn
Romancing Mister Bridgerton
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon... except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help."
Okay, superpower might be pushing it.
- Kelley Armstrong
The Summoning
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We need to gather everyone we can.
Damien scoffed. Uh, boss, hate to be a pall, but I think everyone we can gather is currently in this room.
Sin paused to look at Simi, Xirena, Damien, Kat, Kish, and Xypher. It was a pitiful number of defenders. But it was all the world had. In that case, we need to seriously arm ourselves.
Damien crossed himself. Hail Mary, full of grace-
What are you doing? Kish asked. You're not Catholic.
Yeah but I'm feeling really religious all of a sudden and it seemed like a good idea.
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
- Garrison Keillor
Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."

When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.
- David Sedaris
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
- Bill Cosby
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rejection is one thing - but rejection from a fool is cruel.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.
- Bernard Baruch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't understand how people can
stand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,
and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh!
- Tupac Shakur
Tupac: Resurrection, 1971-1996
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This book will prove the following ten facts:
1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.
3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
5. Music does not always sooth the troubled beast.
6. An Englishman's home is his castle.
7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
8. One black eye deserves another.
9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
10. It pays to increase your word power.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Archer's Goon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.”

“Fist-bump. It’s just ‘fist-bump.’”

“Understand."
- Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health.
- Daniel Quinn
Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need."
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Your hair is still wet!
- Justin Bieber
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not stubborn. My way is just better.
- Maya Banks
Rush
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.
- Jim Butcher
Skin Game
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross..." He consulted Unfogging the Future. "That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' — sorry about that — but there's a thing that could be the sun... hang on... that means 'great happiness'... so you're going to suffer but be very happy..."

"You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me," said Ron, and they both had to stifle their laughs as Professor Trelawney gazed in their direction.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone who takes on my sister," he had postured once, all puffed-out bravado, "will have to deal with ...my sister." And then he'd dived behind her and cowered.
- Laini Taylor
Dreams of Gods & Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
— Riley Poole
- Ann Lloyd
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."

Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously.
- Carrie Fisher
Postcards from the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She'd met Colin on a Monday.
She'd kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.
- Julia Quinn
Romancing Mister Bridgerton
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon... except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help."
Okay, superpower might be pushing it.
- Kelley Armstrong
The Summoning
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We need to gather everyone we can.
Damien scoffed. Uh, boss, hate to be a pall, but I think everyone we can gather is currently in this room.
Sin paused to look at Simi, Xirena, Damien, Kat, Kish, and Xypher. It was a pitiful number of defenders. But it was all the world had. In that case, we need to seriously arm ourselves.
Damien crossed himself. Hail Mary, full of grace-
What are you doing? Kish asked. You're not Catholic.
Yeah but I'm feeling really religious all of a sudden and it seemed like a good idea.
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
- Garrison Keillor
Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."

When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.
- David Sedaris
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
- Bill Cosby
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rejection is one thing - but rejection from a fool is cruel.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.
- Bernard Baruch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't understand how people can
stand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,
and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh!
- Tupac Shakur
Tupac: Resurrection, 1971-1996
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This book will prove the following ten facts:
1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.
3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
5. Music does not always sooth the troubled beast.
6. An Englishman's home is his castle.
7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
8. One black eye deserves another.
9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
10. It pays to increase your word power.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Archer's Goon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.”

“Fist-bump. It’s just ‘fist-bump.’”

“Understand."
- Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health.
- Daniel Quinn
Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need."
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Your hair is still wet!
- Justin Bieber
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not stubborn. My way is just better.
- Maya Banks
Rush
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.
- Jim Butcher
Skin Game
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross..." He consulted Unfogging the Future. "That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' — sorry about that — but there's a thing that could be the sun... hang on... that means 'great happiness'... so you're going to suffer but be very happy..."

"You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me," said Ron, and they both had to stifle their laughs as Professor Trelawney gazed in their direction.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone who takes on my sister," he had postured once, all puffed-out bravado, "will have to deal with ...my sister." And then he'd dived behind her and cowered.
- Laini Taylor
Dreams of Gods & Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
— Riley Poole
- Ann Lloyd
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."

Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously.
- Carrie Fisher
Postcards from the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She'd met Colin on a Monday.
She'd kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.
- Julia Quinn
Romancing Mister Bridgerton
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon... except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help."
Okay, superpower might be pushing it.
- Kelley Armstrong
The Summoning
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We need to gather everyone we can.
Damien scoffed. Uh, boss, hate to be a pall, but I think everyone we can gather is currently in this room.
Sin paused to look at Simi, Xirena, Damien, Kat, Kish, and Xypher. It was a pitiful number of defenders. But it was all the world had. In that case, we need to seriously arm ourselves.
Damien crossed himself. Hail Mary, full of grace-
What are you doing? Kish asked. You're not Catholic.
Yeah but I'm feeling really religious all of a sudden and it seemed like a good idea.
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
- Garrison Keillor
Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."

When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.
- David Sedaris
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
- Bill Cosby
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rejection is one thing - but rejection from a fool is cruel.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.
- Bernard Baruch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't understand how people can
stand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,
and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh!
- Tupac Shakur
Tupac: Resurrection, 1971-1996
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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